Monday, October 30, 2006

More Wait and See

I didn't get my HcG re-tested until Friday, due to the blizzard. It was 10,000. This is quite an improvement over past pregnancies but it should have doubled every 2 days, meaning it should have been 16,000. However, I have read that a 150% increase instead of 200% increase is acceptable, so maybe 10,000 means the baby's still viable.
I see the specialist on Thursday including an ultrasound to see if there's a visible sac/embryo/heart beat. I will just continue to try to stay calm and healthy but not fixate on it. (No days spent at Babycenter boards).
I have not told any medical professionals that I'm using the progesterone gel from the last pregnancy. I just called the pharmacy and I did have a refill left so I ordered it. It won't be in until tomorrow. If that's what's sustaining the pregnancy, 4 or 5 days without it might be enough to end it? Unless it was sustaining it because I am deficient. My fasting blood sugar this morning was the lowest (92) that it's been in a couple weeks - is that a bad sign that HcG is dropping (HcG increases insulin resistance)? I don't know. Then again, maybe it's the thyroid meds or the increased metformin or the luck of the egg genetics draw.
Or the sperm genetics. The doctors just assume these lost pregnancies are due to "bad eggs". I realize at my age that's probably a safe assumption, but it's NOT CERTAIN. STOP BLAMING ME. Although I have no control over it, I can still feel a lot of guilt over the "bad eggs".
You can see how quickly I can go crazy trying to analyze all the data without a medical or statistical degree.
The nurse at the specialist was trying to pin me down about labor and delivery and if I would continue to see my regular ob/gyn and all these other details. I finally said, with my voice cracking and the tears probably evident, "I haven't thought that far ahead, let's just get to the 11th week and then we'll see".
The 11th week is the genetic testing, so if we get past this 7/8 week jinx, I can worry about that instead.
Ok, must get my head back on straight. If it is meant to be, it will be. I can only do everything I can do to maintain a healthy pregnancy, and then it is no longer up to me!

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