Here we go again

I am elated and terrified. On day 37 of my cycle (yesterday) I finally decided that waking up every 2 hours to go to the bathroom and the persistent fatigue last week were enough reasons to test and it was positive.
No doubt, 2nd line came up fast and much darker than the test line.
This is my 4th pregnancy in 2 years. The other 3 ended in weeks 7 or 8 for unknown reasons. I am week 5 now.
I have already quit smoking (9.5 months now), I don't drink hardly anyway, I am eating as well as I know how with the new nutritionist's plan. I already cut out most of the aspartame that was in my diet.
I started the progesterone suppositories last week just in case. This is another long story with my ob/gyn.
There's not much else I know to do, except cut my coffee to a minimum, exercise daily and perhaps eat a little more.
I have not told da kane yet. In an effort to protect his own feelings, he has been less than enthusiastic the last 2 pregnancies. I can understand, but I also know that we cannot get to a live biological child without going through the pregnancy, so it is cause for guarded celebration.
I need to call my endo and I'm sure they'll start me on Lantus again. I actually took 4 units last night - the starting dose of my last pregnancy. My fasting bg was 108 this morning, too high for pregnancy. However, the lantus may be old. Stupid stuff goes bad in 6-8 weeks.
I need to call my nutritionist and see what she says. Haha, this is very funny as I have left 2 messages for them in the past 10 days and they haven't returned the calls yet. I am assuming I should just up my calorie intake, but she may want to bail on the situation, given her specialty is bariatrics and sports performance.
I need to decide if I want my ob/gyn to refer me to another specialist. I like him and ADORE his nurse, but he doesn't seem to have much experience with high risk pregnancies - he certainly got DS delivered safely, but I am 3 years older and now have T2 diabetes added to the mix.
I need a good cry probably. I feel very emotional. I can't believe how frightened I am. That can't be good. I need to pray. I am not much of an organized religion person, but I do have my own strong beliefs in a higher power.
It's so ironic, my last period was 9/16. On 9/29 I told my endo we should switch focus from pregnancy to weight loss and I probably conceived within a day or two of that statement.
This is very good in that I could still get a maternity leave in under my present company. My position isn't supposed to end until 12/31/07. They have even better maternity leave now than when DS was born.
Oh, I finally dropped the lb I was stalled on Saturday. Today I am up 2 lbs from there. Funny I'm not even concerned about it now.
Now for the fun of the day:

You Are Pretty Logical

You're a bit of a wizard when it comes to logic While you don't have perfect logic, you logic is pretty darn good Keep at it - you've got a lot of natural talent in this area!

How Logical Are You?

Are you SURE it's not Saturday?

I didn't set my alarm last night. I woke up at 5:50-something and thought "oh, it must be Saturday since my alarm didn't go off". Stretched for a couple minutes and got to thinking that it really must be Friday. Started to doze off and heard the doorbell. Now, the doorbell didn't actually chime, but in my half-sleep I would have sworn it did. This is usually my sub-conscious mind trying to alert my conscious mind that it needs to WAKE UP. It's funny, normally it's a phone ringing sound. Once it was my Dad's voice calling me. Sometimes it is becuase DS is calling me or it's my pager going off.
I got up late and DS got up early. We try to avoid crossing our paths in the am because I hear a lot of "Mommy, you stay with me today!" or "I come to work with you!" Neither of which is likely most days. The Da Kane was irritated because he felt that I woke DS up unnecessarily. When he's calling loudly to me "Mommmy, need to go potty" - I can't just ignore him.
And I got on the scale and was down .5 lbs - then I got on it again to be sure I was in the exact right spot on the scale and I was UP .5 lbs. Now I'm getting PISSED!
This is my history with dieting. I do really well for a couple weeks (usually I lose more like 12 or 15 lbs the first 2-3 weeks) and then I stall out. And then I start cheating. And then it's all over.
How do I break that cycle this time? I am tired of writing down every bite. Of being really hungry from 10:00 - 11:30 every morning and waiting anxiously for my 3 pm snack every afternoon. It really sucks to think about food almost all the time, but only eat a tiny bit. I am so ready for a big mexican combo plate at Amigo's - the chile relleno, tamale and cheese enchilada is my favorite - all smothered with green sauce. Or the Chicken Chimichanga - which is just to DIE FOR.
Shit.


And to add insult to injury - the nutritionist's office never called me back yesterday. Both the doctor and the dietician told me to call anytime and I have called twice but never had a return call.
Can you believe I was thinner when DS was 8 weeks old than I am today??

What to be for Halloween?

This was fun! Actually, my son and I are going to be "non-Pirates of the Carribbean" pirates!

Your Halloween Costume Should Be

A Martini

What Should You Be For Halloween?

Still Stalled

Another day. I was perfectly on plan yesterday. 2 frozen meals though, which may have been a bit much sodium. I did work out. I am going to drink at least 60 oz of water today and stay on plan and cross my fingers.
Day 34 of the cycle too. That would truly be ironic if I got knocked up again the month I decided to stop "trying" so hard.
Many people might question why I weigh everyday, but believe me, it works better for me. If I weigh weekly, I am more tempted to indulge thinking I have days before the weigh in.

Weight loss stalled

Day 5 of the same weigh in. I find these stalls extremely frustrating. Why am I going hungry, spending all this time planning meals, etc, with no results? Of course I would probably feel the same if I had only lost .5 or 1 lb in this time frame. I wish I would start feeling better physically and then I could at least have that to keep my motivation waxing.
Also day 33 of this cycle. My average cycle length since the last miscarriage is 29.5 days. I don't feel preggers. Maybe my weight is stalling as a result of prolonged PMS? Every negative HPT feels like a huge failure these days, so I don't want to take one.
Admittedly, I am slacking on the working out. Today is my telecommute day. I have 1/2 hr of my lunch left, perhaps I should go downstairs and work out. That's what I'll do.