Forgive my break in posting. I was feeling un-read until 1of3wishes posted yesterday. Somedays I look at my blog and see a couple weeks with no comments and lose the urge to post. I don't really post just for readers - but it's obviously a big part of the blog-lure. (So, please de-lurk and leave me a comment!)
I am about 92% recovered from the cold/cough from hell. I still have a pulled muscle in my left side from coughing so hard and so uncontrollably. I lost a tremendous amount of sleep and actually took 3 days of sick leave last week. I cannot tell you the last time I took 3 days off in one week for my own illness. My immune system is just shot. I am taking precautions to try and not catch too much else from Kimo and the germ factory (daycare) over the next 7 or 8 weeks.
Da Kane and I attended our first Lamaze class this week. Which means Kimo had a babysitter - his first in over a year. He did great, we did great, but the sitter had trouble finding us so we were about 15 minutes late. I'm sure I am the oldest Mom in the class, but I don't think it was immediately apparent to everyone. The biggest divide was already having a child, while the rest of the class were first-timers. I didn't get an immediate warm fuzzy about the instructor, but she's ok. Only 3 more classes.
I swing like a metronome on triple-time from being sure I can do a natural/vaginal childbirth (with drugs) to wanting to sign up for another c-section. I know it's just plain old fear. I am almost dizzy from it. This is one reason a doula may be helpful in my situation. I know that this is my last chance to experience birth, and I know in my heart that if billions of women have done this for thousands of years, that I can too, but I'm afraid given the smallest obstacle, I will cave quickly and neither da Kane nor da Doctor will help me remember my goal.
Having Maile home safe and sound is the main objective, but I want to give birth to her, not have her extracted from me surgically. I want her to decide when she is ready to be born - not my doctor's son's soccer league.
It is amazing to me that we (humans) still do not know what starts labor exactly. Perhaps some of my medical blog buddies can correct that, but that's what the lamaze instructor said and my doctor seconded. We know it's probably the hormone oxytocin (not oxycontin, the rush's drug of choice), but we don't know why those levels suddenly surge.
My diet has not improved much, except for not having an appetite for a week. I lost 3 lbs. I am very glad I asked for the Humulin pen, that way I can respond to the handful of swedish fish or the pizza lunch rapidly.
The big work move is this weekend and I will be very glad to have that behind us. Then the following weekend da Kane has to go on business for 4 full days, leaving me single-parenting. After that I should be able to spend the last month nesting.
I also have several projects to get done on the kids room, so we can move Kimo in there at least a month before Maile comes home. I think that is best, even though she'll be in our room for 2-3 months, it would be good to get him settled for a while before we uproot his life.
Kimo is very cute talking about "my baby" in his belly. No matter how often his father and I tell him that only ladies can have babies, he is insistent. This weekend he said that he has TWO babies in his belly, so we will have 3 at home this summer. He also asked me to put my hand on his tummy and announced "did you feel my baby kick?". It is beyond adorable.
As with most mothers the 2nd time around (or so I have read), I have moments of worry that I will not be able to love Maile as much as I do Kimo. I try to trust that the more love you feel, experience, express then the more that is available to you.
OB/GYN UPDATE - I had my weekly NST today and baby was doing great. The 8 month growth check ultrasound is Monday. We are taking Kimo, which should be interesting!