I have been in hiding

Great - the "save as draft" feature on blogger deletes your text. But it saves your title! Just wonderful.

I think I was saying that the blues give me writer's block. Yes, I seem to have some prenatal depression stirring. I can feel it, almost physically. Kinda blah, my first take on everything is negative and obsessive, as opposed to my old positive and obsessive but fighting it. I don't want to get up in the morning or from my occasional weekend nap. I REALLY don't want to go to work and let every little thing there drive me batsh!t.
With Kimo I took Zoloft the 2nd half of the pregnancy because this happened. It was all fine then, my ob/gyn had even given it to his wife during gestation. Now of course, they have come out with a study that it's bad for the baby, particularly in the 3rd trimester. I start the 3rd tri in about 3 weeks. So, I'm left debating my options. Lemon Balm has been suggested. Exercise has helped in the past, which is the ultimate catch-22 - the only relief for not wanting to get out of bed is getting out of bed earlier.

I am feeling the baby move regularly now. She sleeps for long stretches sometimes during the day, which always freaks me out, so I am keeping the rented doppler for now. Funny, she gave me a good, solid kick while I wrote that. I hearby dub her "Maile" in keeping with the Hawaiian theme of my pseudonyms. I love the feeling of a baby moving inside me, it is so bizarre, yet sweet and your own little secret. Until we get to this point of course:

I catch myself thinking the worst still, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's hard to trust that Maile will be here in June.

I had my yearly review at work yesterday - no bad news, no good. It's very hard to adjust to thinking of another 18 months there when I thought we were down to 10 months to go. I have known I was headed for a lay-off in this position since 2003, this is getting harder and harder. They have gotten rid of about 100 out of 225 associates at our location in the past year - it is demoralizing.
I am not planning menus on the weekend like I was for a while. This makes it extremely hard to eat according to plan and keep my sugars in range. I woke up hungry at 2 am last night and tested at 84, so I had a cup of warm milk thinking the dinnertime NPH would still be kicking in, I woke up at 6:30 at 90.
CRIPES, I just realized I did not take my 4u of NPH this morning that I just started yesterday. Telecommute day is hell on my medications and schedule. Then again, I am working in my robe at 11:20 am, so it DEFINITELY ROCKS for most of life.
I am just rambling now. I will close and look for a better afternoon. Maybe a shower, toothbrushing and clothes would improve my outlook.

Lovely Organs, m'dear

The Level 2 ultrasound went swimmingly. All organs present and accounted for. They zoomed into the heart and we could even see the valves opening and closing. Weight and length were good, amniotic fluid level was good. Phew!
Specialist (perinatologist) thinks there's no reason I can't try for a VBAC. HOWEVER, he does not like to see Type 2 diabetics go past 1 week before their due date. That's when I had the c-sec with Kimo, so I wonder what the chances are that I will go into labor before then. My mother was premature once and late twice with her pregnancies.
Doc was pleased with my A1C of 5.5%. He explained that high sugar levels cause the placenta to age more quickly, so that gave me another reason to stay on top of sugar levels.
I have a ZILLION reasons to keep my sugar levels low and exercise and eat right and that never seems to be enough for me. I wonder when I will find the magic answer.
I wanted a moment of clarity about quitting smoking for 5 years and when I was finally successful (13 months so far) there was no magic answer, no epiphany, no burning bush, I just did what I had to do to not put a cig in my mouth each day until it started getting easier.
Does this mean I should just journal every bite I eat and exercise for 20 mins a day no matter what until it starts getting easier? I think it does, but how do I start?
I need a cute blog name for my son - any ideas?

Amazingly close

Your IQ Is 125

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Thursday with nothing really up

I started a post on the fear I feel about this baby. Didn't finish it because it's so DONE. Everyone who reads this blog must know how afraid I am that this baby won't get here safely. I think it winds me up more to talk about it.
I started a post with my letter to my pancreas, which is a topic making the rounds of the D-OC these days. It was boring. (My post, not the others I have read).
So here I am, just wanting to post something this week, but really no subjects I feel inspired to type on about.
I am tired, bored with work, constantly dealing with heartburn. Sick of the gerbil wheel I run from Monday through Sunday.
Took my little guy to the doc last night for the endless cold that will not leave and now includes a croupy sounding cough. His lungs were clear, no fever, no ear infection, no nothing but gobs of thick green snot. The PA thinks maybe a sinus infection and gave us a round of amoxicclyn (spelled wrong, I know, too lazy to look it up) and some codeine cough syrup (that actually works!). Normally, I wouldn't really want him on an antibiotic for such a vague diagnosis, but he's been sick (with one cold after another) since mid-December and he hasn't had an antibiotic in over a year, so I think it's safe to try.
Monday is our 5 year anniversary. I still say the mortgage signing was scarier. We had a beautiful wedding in Hawaii, but the mortgage signing the next year made the "til death do us part" all so much more real.
Next Wednesday is my level 2 ultrasound as well as Valentine's day and a V-day party at the little guy's daycare. They posted a letter asking that we bring in vegetables that start with a "V". (Or pre-processed snacks that must be in their original container with label so they can easily read the dozens of additives) HUH? Exactly which vegetables start with a "v". Vucchini? Vadishes? Varrots? Come ON, people!
They also had a permission slip for my son to make valentine's day cards which will then be sold for FIVE DOLLARS a piece to benefit the March of Dimes. I don't pay FIVE DOLLARS for Da Kane's v-day card. My son cannot draw anything representative. Why wouldn't they have the 3 year olds making Valentine's day cards for their parents? The whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way ENTIRELY.
The March of Dimes has only a 1 star rating from CharityNavigator.com. Their president makes $467,544 a YEAR! Only 75% of your donation actually goes towards their programs. They are the lowest ranked of the 14 charities listed for "Birth Defects". Not to say they're not a worthwhile organization, but how did they rope Kindercare - one of the largest daycare chains in the USA - with over 200,000 kids - into coercing parents into donating so they can have a valentine's day card from their kid? They already collect over 214 MILLION dollars a year in donations.

Ranting on Calendars and Hamburger

Quite a title, isn't it? I am tired of debating VBAC/RCS and discussing pregnancy, so I thought I would rant about some other things that have caught my eye lately.

• Why do most calendars run the week from Sunday to Saturday? Not that I'm overly religious but didn't God rest on the 7th day? Which Christians observe on Sunday? Or is the average US calendar based on Judaism, where the Sabbath is Saturday? Why do we call it a week-END if one of the days is the first day of the week, and the other is actually the end of the week? Doesn't it actually feel like the week starts on Monday - at least if you work a standard Mon-Fri shift? It makes a lot more sense to see a calendar run Monday thru Sunday, but you can rarely find them. Especially if you wait until mid-January when calendars are 75% off to buy your yearly wall hanging.
• Are the grocery stores jumping on the "Make America Obese" bandwagon? I have noticed for a couple years that you cannot buy a pound of hamburger anymore, unless you get the "chubs" - those tube shaped pre-packaged hamburger packages that have a weird texture and contain who knows what from the slaughter house. At first, the packages went to 1.1 lbs. Or maybe 1.09 or 1.11, but well beyond 1.0 lbs, which is what every recipe in the world calls for. On my last grocery trip I could NOT find a package smaller than 1.23 lbs. That's almost a quarter larger than I need! That serves 5 people, instead of 4 and we're a family of 3. The large 5 lb packages that you could presumably re-package into 1 lb packages (in your spare time) are always the high fat meat - 84% lean my butt - that's 16% fat! If you buy it from the butcher man at the counter, you can get him to package 1 pound only but pay a premium. Would I rather pay 25% more for 25% more meat or for the luxury of only having 1 pound of meat?
• Why do people move to Colorado, buy a 1500 pound Dodge Neon, take it out in the snow and ice and then act amazed that it crashes and causes a traffic jam; making those of us in our sensible Subarus late for work?

Those are the random items that have irritated me beyond reason this week. How about you?